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beloved by ~phoenixtx:iconphoenixtx:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Cheap or Tawdry Romance > Open




natural lipstick
     (rust x very berry crossing)
tinting blushing lips

copper-flavored candy
     dripping down the throat
  the ironic prize
of a battle well-fought

custom-made eyeshadow,
     hand-made with care
the deepest shade
          of his affection

she was so very loved.
©2005-2009 ~phoenixtx
:iconphoenixtx:

Author's Comments

i'm not sure what brought this on. distant thoughts of relatives and a loved one, perhaps.
i'm not totally sure.

i wanted this to be longer, but i just couldn't do it.

critique what you will. however, the last line will remain unchanged; it has a certain meaning to me.

Comments


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:iconthewritt:
~TheWritt Feb 7, 2005, 10:59:29 PM
There is something to be said of short quizzical poems. Good or Bad? I love em so Ill go with Good. I must say a that that tactile impression of a copper-flavored candy would indeed be bitter. Did you ever stick a penny in your mouth?
:iconphoenixtx:
~phoenixtx Feb 7, 2005, 11:01:35 PM
i have.
it has more or less the same copper taste as blood. :bleh:

--
found religion inside myself
i drank the blood, the flesh was stale
:iconmoon-lapse:
~moon-lapse Feb 7, 2005, 11:29:08 PM
It's beautiful. You portray domestic violence? with a great sense of irony. The makeup metaphors are great.
:iconthewritt:
~TheWritt Feb 7, 2005, 11:53:50 PM
Ditto.. bitter. I gotcha-
:iconphoenixtx:
~phoenixtx Feb 8, 2005, 12:14:23 AM
yes, it is domestic violence. :)
i was nervous no one would catch that.

--
found religion inside myself
i drank the blood, the flesh was stale
:icondemonlight:
`demonlight Feb 8, 2005, 3:47:25 AM
This is quite subtly brutal. It took me a while to work it out, which makes the entire thing that little bit more worrying. I'm not sure about the repetition of 'made', or the almost part-rhyme of throat/fought. You could invert the line to well-fought battle (I know it's meant to be ironic) and so maintain the rhythm and lack of rhyme, without having a reader's eyes snag on the (I assume) unintentional imperfect rhyme. But this is exquisite.

--
A storm is rising.
:iconaudrey-tifa:
*Audrey-Tifa Feb 8, 2005, 4:04:32 AM
God, ain't it a good pictorial poem of domestic violence.....

--
[link]:mangapunksai:
Audrey - Seriously man, wht's better than darkness?
Tifa: Maybe kindness?
Audrey: Sux tht.....
Tifa: Sux u!
Audrey: 10q. :XD:
Tifa: :angered:
:mangapunksai:[link]
:iconcarmelo:
~Carmelo Feb 8, 2005, 4:37:08 AM
It's like a clip-and-phrase description of physical abuse that doesn't seem to start or stop with spouses or lovers. If a reader takes time to reflect and absorb afterward, they may come up with interesting things as to who this could be pertaining to. I inserted prostitutes and their pimps before having a memory of my mother putting make-up on me to hide the bruises and welts after she or my father or, sometimes, both would show me how not to wax their anger.

Then I would go to school...

--
Say what you gotta to get yourself through the night...
:iconshowmeyourscars:
~showmeyourscars Feb 8, 2005, 6:23:06 AM
i really like this one a lot. the natural lipstick. "copper-flavored candy".
it's great! :heart:

--
Could I be read if i was see-through, or would you just read my spine? :blackrose: :rose: :blackrose:


just
ignore
the smoke
and smile...
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