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cold by ~phoenixtx:iconphoenixtx:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Cheap or Tawdry Romance > Open


nights were spent in dreary talk
          and watered-down affection

ill-advised flirting
          coupled with silent sex

          (a personal blow-up doll)

he was supposed to solve her problems
          too bad he didn't realize

for all his jesus complex,
          he couldn't save her...

tomorrow, she'd be gone
          finally, away from men and memories

          (from him.)

drink in hand,
          she curls up in herself

she'd tell him tomorrow,
          maybe a note on the door

          (no extra baggage needed)

he's waiting for her now,
          for more passionless fucking

she's cold,
          a department store mannequin

she lies there stiffly, complacently,
          writing the note in her head

          (only one more night.)
©2006-2009 ~phoenixtx
:iconphoenixtx:

Author's Comments

my muse is so dead. this is not one of my better pieces.

...whether it is about suicide, or moving away, i leave up to you.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconnotmuchofastalker:
!NoTmUchofAsTaLker Aug 8, 2006, 1:09:05 PM
I like this. It reminds me of being there. You will find yourself your muse in time. I like the way you've written it. I like the jesus complex and the passionless fucking. I remember. xx
:iconteenagedeathgirl13:
~teenagedeathgirl13 Aug 8, 2006, 1:35:29 PM
I love this ^^
And I don't think its the overly tired no sleeping side of me either that does XD sorry its very lovely ^^

--
We don't wear your Abercrombie. So please don't listen to our punk rock.- Davey Havok
:iconlilpink:
~lilpink Aug 8, 2006, 2:39:59 PM
i love this x

--
:heart: :strip: :heart:
:iconmaskedfarqueharson:
~MaskedFarqueharson Aug 8, 2006, 3:36:37 PM
Sorry I can't read this, the new format cuts off most words from the first two stazas with a pop up that won't go away. Please fix problems fast!
:iconcherrykisses07:
~cherrykisses07 Aug 9, 2006, 1:21:21 AM
this is beautiful. there are parts in it where i feel like you're almost sarcastic... like she says she'll leave but everyone knows she wont.

beautiful piece, really.
:iconaphroditeskiss:
~AphroditesKiss Aug 9, 2006, 3:35:14 AM
This is really good. You can really feel the emotions. If this is you without your muse then you're stuff must be out of this world when you have it! :)

--
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind ~William Shakespeare~
:iconcaeruleus-flamma:
~caeruleus-flamma Aug 9, 2006, 7:34:54 AM
This is interesting, I especially like the way you added little bits in the italic brackets, which really hammer the point home. And using descriptions of mannequins and blow up dolls really convey the objectiveness in which she is viewed. Kudos

--
I am me, no I am me, no I am me
:iconfriskyryski:
~friskyryski Aug 9, 2006, 9:10:45 AM
Wow. This is really intriguing and powerful. The imagery and structure are both really good. Well done.

--
Rykki
:iconblissful-nightmares:
~blissful-nightmares Aug 9, 2006, 9:40:47 AM
I like your pieces, the way you write, because of your bluntness. You say what you want to say the way you want to say it regardless of who it may or may not offend. I think this piece is lacking a bit of. . im gonna say ummph but i think the thoughts behind it a still strong and still worth expressing. I think this just kinda feels like a half-ass job. I apologize if anything ive said offended you.

--
- b - n -

98% of Deviants don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." If you're one of the 2% that wants to punch 'em, put this in your sig.
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August 8, 2006
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