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he lies curled,
          indignant,
in crumpled linen

listening to her speak
          of a time
when she still felt alive

this was a mistake
          she had said
in a tone, dull and numbed:

the swings, at midnight,
          remniscient
of favored movie scenes;

the cheating, stolen kiss
          -remember?-
and 3 a.m. drives.

this was a mistake
          to continue
what shouldn't have started.

he blocks out the words,
          her voice,
and concentrates on her lips

the loss of innocence,
          their lies,
plans and promises shattered

this was a mistake
          he finally hears
though still won't understand
©2006-2009 ~phoenixtx
:iconphoenixtx:

Author's Comments

ouch...

there's a story behind this poem (well, like most of mine, i guess), and this almost continues in the vein of a few preceeding ones. my poems seem to have taken a turn, and are slowly telling a story i never expected.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icondiejuliet:
Y know the cool thing about your poems? They always make me want to find out the story. That, my friend, is an achievement :D

--
[get off my pink nail varnish bitch]
:iconmagicdragon:
I like poetry and yet I hate it because I'm never sure I get the right understanding, although they say to each his own, but still it bothers me.
:iconphoenixtx:
...i'm sorry?

--
found religion inside myself
i drank the blood, the flesh was stale
:iconmerlinfmct87:
lmao

Okay. I had some free time and I wanted to comment on this little masterpiece.

First off(probably why I reacted so strongly to this) is, quite simply, I've been there. Right at that moment... that moment of sudden shock when everything you love comes crashing down and out.

Second, the almost hypnotic way you used 'this was a mistake.' That's something I've tried to do in my own poetry(love on fumes I think), but not as artfully. The image I got from it was a sudden, absolute climax. As I said earlier, a moment in time. Everything coming together into one absolute point in space and time.

Third, you managed something very difficult to my eye... kept the moment frozen in time, and yet gave a very detailed explanation of the progress through that moment. Each stage of it... shock, numbness, denial, then the whole relationship is re-capped... all with a new perspective... untill loss finally starts to set in.

All that in the space of a few seconds - or a few lines.

You should be very proud of yourself for this. The effort you are putting into this(and the slight confusion at where it's going) are all well worth it, from my pov at least.

Merlin

--
When I tell any truth it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but defending those who do.
-Wiliam Blake

Every prophet is a cannibal, Every poet is a thief
all who kill their inspiration and lie about their grief

:stereo:
:iconsugar-on-asphalt:
Another beautiful climactic piece with a fantastic ending. Nice work.
:iconbexica:
great poetry always reminds me of little things that have happened to me, it has teh empathic edge

its very beautiful

--
the sun does rise
:iconbabyjoanna:
its so freakin awsome i love it you rock!

--
Some are Born with the rose , Some with the Thorns. I got Thorns , Lucky me huh
:iconlocke-d:
if it was about another i would have commented long ago. yet you were more blind than the one which wouldn't claim. blessed be and may the earth envelope you're caustic self.

--
==========
trends arise and descend
true beauty never ends
==========
member of ~dark-writing ~alug *daac adopted by: *earthfaerie
:iconsugarcube886:
Your writing is so completely awesome.

--
Silence has it's own life, its ways of telling lies.
It's stories between thin lines; its secrets in disguise can leave conclusions running wild, turning logic to denial... bringing silence into life.

Details

April 28, 2006
1.4 KB
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