he lies curled,
indignant,
in crumpled linen
listening to her speak
of a time
when she still felt alive
this was a mistake
she had said
in a tone, dull and numbed:
the swings, at midnight,
remniscient
of favored movie scenes;
the cheating, stolen kiss
-remember?-
and 3 a.m. drives.
this was a mistake
to continue
what shouldn't have started.
he blocks out the words,
her voice,
and concentrates on her lips
the loss of innocence,
their lies,
plans and promises shattered
this was a mistake
he finally hears
though still won't understand















Comments
--
[get off my pink nail varnish bitch]
--
found religion inside myself
i drank the blood, the flesh was stale
Okay. I had some free time and I wanted to comment on this little masterpiece.
First off(probably why I reacted so strongly to this) is, quite simply, I've been there. Right at that moment... that moment of sudden shock when everything you love comes crashing down and out.
Second, the almost hypnotic way you used 'this was a mistake.' That's something I've tried to do in my own poetry(love on fumes I think), but not as artfully. The image I got from it was a sudden, absolute climax. As I said earlier, a moment in time. Everything coming together into one absolute point in space and time.
Third, you managed something very difficult to my eye... kept the moment frozen in time, and yet gave a very detailed explanation of the progress through that moment. Each stage of it... shock, numbness, denial, then the whole relationship is re-capped... all with a new perspective... untill loss finally starts to set in.
All that in the space of a few seconds - or a few lines.
You should be very proud of yourself for this. The effort you are putting into this(and the slight confusion at where it's going) are all well worth it, from my pov at least.
Merlin
--
When I tell any truth it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but defending those who do.
-Wiliam Blake
Every prophet is a cannibal, Every poet is a thief
all who kill their inspiration and lie about their grief
its very beautiful
--
the sun does rise
--
Some are Born with the rose , Some with the Thorns. I got Thorns , Lucky me huh
--
==========
trends arise and descend
true beauty never ends
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member of ~dark-writing ~alug *daac adopted by: *earthfaerie
--
Silence has it's own life, its ways of telling lies.
It's stories between thin lines; its secrets in disguise can leave conclusions running wild, turning logic to denial... bringing silence into life.
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